The Chijioke Life

I am learning how to be thankful this holiday season -- thankful for the fun and crazy moments with family, thankful for a good job, thankful for my beautiful children... thankful for an amazing set of friends - I am so very thankful for the amazing group of beautiful people God has placed in our lives... Most of all, I am thankful that God is in control of my life and my kids lives and that He has good plans for us!! It is such an awesome realization that God loves us that much... Happy holidays my friends, happy holidays as we celebrate the true reason for this beautiful season!! (:

Life is gradually getting back into the swing of things again -- I'm back to work, kids are full swing into school, my numerous house projects are coming to fruition... I'm glad that things are settling and yet part of me doesn't like this "new life", getting into a new routine means I am accepting that Cj is gone and I'm not sure I want to move on with that! A huge part of me still waits for him to walk through the door... to approve of all we have done on the house, to play Xbox or basketball with the boys, make breakfast for Cadence every morning like before and to settle William down when he's cranky... The holidays are looming... I'm not sure of even what to expect emotionally and that is a bit scary. My counselor suggested we work on making new family memories and do new things this holiday season - - we've got a couple things planned and I'm anticipating good things. Praying that everything works out and that we will all be able to

"Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." Hebrews 12:3 This passage, from my morning devotions, jumped out at me. I have been struggling with such weariness and a deep sadness as the reality of life without Cj looms and the enormity of this loss fills our daily existence with a breathtaking pain. The shock has somewhat worn off, but, the "missing him" gets worse by the day... When my son turns to me and says, "...I know what you are saying, but...I am having a hard time believing it -- how am I supposed to accept this?!!..." I feel so completely inadequate to answer his questions and to reply, "...well, honey, I don't know... but, God is in control..." , that just seems so inept and almost false. I KNOW God loves my children and I KNOW He has a good plan for each of them and that He IS in control... and that He is GOOD. But, how do I translate that to them, in