The Chijioke Life

I am sitting in my car, staring out the windshield - it's clean for today because I did dish out the funds to wash it - the inside needs a good scrubbing though.... Not sure when that will occur, that is so far down my triage list it's almost non-existent -- except that every time I drive my car I cringe at the grime. I drive my car a lot. :-/ **sigh** This isn't how I wanted to live my life -- I hate having a messy car, disorganized house, piles of laundry... To do lists that just keep on adding 2 items for every 1 item I check off.... If I never get a handle on my to-dos, why am I even still trying??  ::feel like I'm drowning sometimes:: I'm being real today, folks -- this job, this journey is too big -- I'm no good for it -- it's threatening to swallow me up in its loneliness & despair...  The darkness of fear, pain, grief, loneliness... It is pressing on my horizons and I feel like just laying down and giving up.  I'm allowing the tears to flow f...

April was a difficult month for me this year... I had a milestone birthday - 35. This was rough for me, not just because it is HALFWAY TO 70 (!!!).... but, because I am now officially older than Cj ever was in this life... Just another marker that he is gone and we have to move past that chapter of our lives on this earth. I want to keep him with us so badly, but, that is not possible and it is painful to be reminded of it - again. During the weeks leading up to April, I was fighting the sadness that was threatening to overwhelm as my birthday approached. But, God is SO good, you guys!! He knew how painful this birthday was for me and had a sweet surprise in store!! Rather out of the blue, a friend contacted several of us from an old playgroup/church fellowship and invited us on a girls trip to Cancun!! Wow.... what a delightful blessing!! It worked out that we left the day after my birthday so it worked as a birthday trip too :) We spent 5 days in the paradise of Cancun, Me...