The Chijioke Life

This grief is a "funny" thing, it takes one completely by surprise at times....shocking in its intensity. Like today, as I was driving home from dropping the boys off at school, I almost ran off the road when a wave of pain crashed down on me and I was broken. My sister asked me today, "...what do I miss the most about Cj..." I miss everything... I miss seeing him, I miss talking to him about what is going on in the world, my life, with the kids...I miss watching the news with him...I miss getting a hug from him as he walked by...I miss seeing him with the kids, I miss hearing him laugh... I was scrolling through photos on my computer and Cj's face came up, William was on my lap and he instantly lunged towards the screen - grabbing at it and saying over and over "...da-da! da-da!" with a huge grin. My God... why did my baby have to lose his daddy before he even barely knew him??? The line from a Moby song has been running through my head all day today...

After my hard day, I ended the day CHOOSING to praise God and walk in faith that He would get us through somehow... though emotionally I was still feeling raw and unsettled. My heart was aching and tired -- quite simply, I was just hurting! This morning when I opened my devotions, this was the first verse my eyes fell upon, "I, even I, am He who comforts you." Isaiah 51:12 I cannot accurately describe the healing those words from my sweet Lord were to my aching soul!! God is just amazing! He met me right where I was -- I needed to know that my Abba loved me and that He understood what I was going through. I was so blessed by my devotions this morning that I just wanted to 1. "brag" on my Heavenly Father and 2. share some of the verses that spoke to me this morning! "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any tr...

What do cars repeatedly breaking down, new car getting backed into, crazy hectic schedules, a sick baby (sleepless nights), never ending calls, forms, overdue requests and a broken hot water heater have in common??!! My life for the past 2 weeks!!! Lol, seriously, I am so thankful that I do not believe in "bad luck", because if I did... I think I'd be just about done with life by now!! This time is a constant study in turning it back over to God and laying my burdens down at His feet. "...cast all your cares upon Him..." has a whole new meaning for me at this point! Monday morning, I had a "straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back" moment... and it was only 8am!!! As I was dropping the kids off at school, I realized, as other 4th graders hopped out of their cars, that Christian had the WRONG outfit on (picture day!!) and I now had to drive all the way home and back again - yet another hour of driving on top of my already full day. Such a little thing, bu...

The other day, as I was driving, the following song came on and the words struck me deeply! Throughout this journey, I've never strongly felt the need to ask, "Why". Why did God allow this to happen? Why has He chosen for my children and I to go through this pain and this journey? God has allowed other circumstances in my life (which I now consider blessings in disguise) where I have learned, "Why not me?" . I know that sounds rather harsh, but, what makes me so special that pain should not touch me? Please, do not get me wrong, I do not desire to go through trials or pain!! I shudder to think of more pain coming, desperately pray no more comes. The other day, Justin said with a profound sadness in his voice that no 7yr old little boy should have, "when I'm at school, my eyes keep filling with tears, I have to keep wiping them -- I want Dad...I just want Dad!" , these moments pierce my mother's heart like a knife and I weep for the pain that m...

Whew, the past 2 weeks have been long and very busy! Last week we traveled to northern Illinois for my younger brother's wedding. It was a good time of being with family and celebrating a joyous occasion. I wasn't expecting any difficulties emotionally, a few wise friends did think about that and made sure to pray for us. All went well, until during the reception - - I started getting emotional as they played a couples dance and then as I was getting a little control back, a song started playing that was Cj's song for me back when we started dating - - seriously??!! (My poor brother and sister in law had no idea) That was the end of the night for me. The trip back was good over all, we flew back into Dallas, late Monday evening, got the kids showered and into bed and pulled out things for school the next morning. That began the craziness of life back in Texas!! Every day this week has been non-stop go, go, go for me and the kids! We would leave the house at 7:30am and I wou...