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Grief...

This grief is a "funny" thing, it takes one completely by surprise at times....shocking in its intensity.
Like today, as I was driving home from dropping the boys off at school, I almost ran off the road when a wave of pain crashed down on me and I was broken.
My sister asked me today, "...what do I miss the most about Cj..."
I miss everything... I miss seeing him, I miss talking to him about what is going on in the world, my life, with the kids...I miss watching the news with him...I miss getting a hug from him as he walked by...I miss seeing him with the kids, I miss hearing him laugh...
I was scrolling through photos on my computer and Cj's face came up, William was on my lap and he instantly lunged towards the screen - grabbing at it and saying over and over "...da-da! da-da!" with a huge grin.
My God... why did my baby have to lose his daddy before he even barely knew him???

The line from a Moby song has been running through my head all day today - "...why does my heart, feel so bad...why does my soul, feel so bad..."

I've said it before, but, God is FAITHFUL!! In the midst of this pain tonight, I opened my devotions and here is the scripture God had for me!

"Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You." Ps 38:9

"Now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Pet 1:6-7

"May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts." 2 Thess 2:16-17

My dear friends and family - - please continue to keep us in your prayers!

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