My Circle

My Circle

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Those rainy days...

What do cars repeatedly breaking down, new car getting backed into, crazy hectic schedules, a sick baby (sleepless nights), never ending calls, forms, overdue requests and a broken hot water heater have in common??!!
My life for the past 2 weeks!!! Lol, seriously, I am so thankful that I do not believe in "bad luck", because if I did... I think I'd be just about done with life by now!!

This time is a constant study in turning it back over to God and laying my burdens down at His feet. "...cast all your cares upon Him..." has a whole new meaning for me at this point!
Monday morning, I had a "straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back" moment... and it was only 8am!!! As I was dropping the kids off at school, I realized, as other 4th graders hopped out of their cars, that Christian had the WRONG outfit on (picture day!!) and I now had to drive all the way home and back again - yet another hour of driving on top of my already full day.
Such a little thing, but -- I cried the whole way home.
Angry, frustrated tears because, "...why am I not able to stay on top of things?? I am so overwhelmed with EVERYthing and I can't even keep the little things in line...I had the WHOLE weekend to make certain things were ready for the school week... and I thought that I had checked things off, but, here it is -- first thing Monday morning and already I'm incompetent..."

When I got back to the school with his shirt, Christian was visibly upset and when I asked him what was wrong, he replied, "nothing...can I go home now?"

"Why, what is wrong, honey...did something happen, can I pray with you... what is wrong", I asked.

He half laughed/half shrugged and I could see him fighting tears, ", nothing happened... it is just... you know what... can I just go home?"

I hugged him hard, prayed for him quickly and made it out the door before breaking down and crying the whole way to my car... I know it seems, from my blogging, that all I do is cry... but, I am really NOT a crier, I used to joke with friends how I wished I COULD cry as it would help relieve stress sometimes. Well, I got my wish because it nows seems that I cry at the drop of a hat!! Be careful what you wish for...
My kids are struggling so much with the loss of their dad. My boys especially and it is so hard for me as a parent, I can't say anything to make this better or bring back their daddy! I just keep reassuring them of God's love for each of them and my love.
As we were driving home from school the other day, Andrew told me how he had met with the counselor because he was sad and didn't go out for recess one day and how "she had legos and other things in her office to play with to make you not feel sad....but, it doesn't really work to make you feel better."
Justin exclaimed, "this is just the hardest thing I've ever had to go through... I don't like the way this feels!"

Christian told his uncle, "...I am happy for dad and know he is in a better place... I just keep wondering why God had to take MY dad..."

Please pray for these precious kiddos - - God has a plan... a good plan, for each of them and I know He loves them far more than I could ever love them and that He feels their pain and hurts for them! I am praying that God speaks to each of them, even at their young ages. That His love and peace surround them and that their relationship with Him will thrive and grow. That He will bring healing to their wounded hearts and joy and hope back into their lives. Please pray with me on this.

"The Lord is for me." Psalm 118:7
"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble; may the name of the God of Jacob defend you; may He send you help from the sanctuary, and strengthen you...May the Lord fulfill all your petitions...They have bowed down and fallen; but we have risen and stand upright." Psalm 20:1-2, 5, 8

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