My Circle

My Circle

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Walking in Faith

God has been showing me some things lately, re-teaching me in all honesty.
A lot of things have been happening in our lives - surgeries, more house disasters, work situations, etc. And a lot of changes have been and are occurring as a result...
I don't necessarily like a lot of upheaval in my life and I have been having some sleepless nights and stressful days - where I oftentimes felt like running away... far away!!
So many crossroads are before me now and I am attempting to navigate these turns while continuing to stay in the center of Gods will for me and my kids.
Trying to hear God's voice and His leading in the midst of the cacophony of chaos and continuing work of grieving which is my life right now... Pros and cons, benefits and downfalls, short term, long term... What's coming around the bend??

How did Cj, as the leader of our home, hear and know what God was telling us to do?? How did he make decisions, such as job changes, career changes, moving homes, etc. which such confidence? I look back and realize how easy I had it as the second in command... Sure we always discussed our plans and future as we made big decisions, but, I really didn't shoulder the "big" burden as I supported him and assisted is carrying out the choices we made.
I didn't stress about bills, long term goals, etc. cause I was focused on other things such as the day to day nitty gritty of caring for our home and family, I knew I was in good hands with Cj and I trusted that we were going to make it together, by Gods grace...

Well, I no longer have the absolute luxury of sharing those burdens... It is all on me and I feel the weight with increasing angst. Lord, how do I take care of these charges you have placed into my care... How do I continue to thrive, grow and mature physically, spiritually, financially as a mom, woman, human being??

When Cj died, almost immediately, the Lord began speaking to me, giving me promise, after promise after promise.... Assuring me, comforting me, pledging to me... And He told me some things which were hard to hear or even comprehend for me at the time. But, nevertheless He spoke to me clearly and compellingly and I haven't been free of it since... I don't claim to understand, I just know what He has said and I'm attempting to prepare and plan accordingly.

As I have been taking first steps and asking for doors to be opened, shut, etc. according to what God is leading us to -- I have been struggling with fear and doubts and questions... Feeling a bit like Peter when Jesus told him to come to him from the boat and as he went to obey he began doubting and sinking!!
After a particularly hard couple days and a perilous night where I felt trapped inside my whirling brain... I asked the Lord to please speak to me again and give me His peace. You guys, I opened up my morning devotional and here is what I saw first off!!

He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore "it was accounted to him for righteousness." Now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead. Romans 4:20-24
The just shall live by faith. Romans 1:17
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23
With God nothing will be impossible. Luke 1:37

And then the last verse for my devotional yesterday was this verse, in which I felt God was speaking clearly to me!!

Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord. Luke 1:45

And then today after I had had a restful night, knowing that I was going to walk forward into what I felt God was leading and trust Him to do the rest... my morning devotions were His comfort to my soul!

Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you. Genesis 28:15
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Praising God for His real and ever present Presence in our lives -- thankful that He is leading and I will follow and He will complete the purpose He has for our lives!! Thank you Father (:


  1. You are such an inspiration! Your faith is wonderful and you are a role model beyond belief!

    1. Hanna, i lost my husband of 10 yrs suddenly on 2/16/12, i have 2 children and one on the way ( due in May )i admire your strength so much, i am struggling hour by hour to make it through the day, i cry in the bathroom at work at least 3 times a day, just trying to make it and be strong, my faith is shaken, i dont understand why things have happened in this order, i am letf to figuer out whta to do and how to do it, when my better half has done this for 10yrs of my life, and now i have 2kids and one on the way,this child will never have the pleasure of knowing her father, i really need to be encouraged at this point for i dont know what to do at times, my emotiond are all over the place, as i am sure you know about this.Please conatc me via email @