My Circle

My Circle

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Learning to enjoy

Wow! It has been an eventful couple of weeks...
We had a delightful time at the beach. What a relaxing, rejuvenating & healing time!!
It was a big event for us as it felt like a "repeat" of what we had done last year when everything fell apart. "A planned family summer vacation, renting a house, at the water for fun..."
Like I mentioned in my last post I have struggled this year with fear when involved in recreational activities. Every time we planned something I would have to fight a panicky feeling that I might lose one of my kids or another family member, every time I heard someone call out my name I would have a "moment" where I instantly was transported back to that awful split second when my brother shouted for help and I knew that something was horribly, terribly wrong... And then, of course, we were right on the beach, steps from a huge body of water that wouldn't hesitate (in my terrified mind) to sweep one of my loved ones away despite any attempts to save them... Whew! I was a mess!!

So upon arrival when I walked into the beach house and saw the ocean waves crashing onto the shore and my kids were immediately begging to go jump in the surf, I almost got back in the car and drove away that moment!!
I felt frozen in fear knowing I had to get past it somehow because my emotional reaction wasn't rational...but not sure how the heck to do that!! All I saw was danger and I was completely overwhelmed!! Thank God for friends who gently allowed me to be neurotic as long as I needed to be... Lol
As the days began to pass without incident I found myself holding my breath, we were having such a good time but I was afraid to actually enjoy it for fear it would all come crashing down again... My sister who was with me echoed the same thoughts... We both knew it wasn't "rational or spiritual", but, it is difficult to easily change such strong feelings!! I did a lot of praying and remembering God's promises through scripture!!
As time passed, somewhere in the midst of the week, I realized I was no longer so afraid and was truly enjoying the fun and even the ocean!! It was no longer as foreboding.

It ended up being a truly relaxing and fun vacation - both healing and full of laughter, good times & time spent with old friends and making new friends... Just what we needed!! We were all a bit sad to pack up and leave at the end - my kids are already asking to go back!! (:
I feel like we faced a challenge, this "post traumatic fear" that had held us in its grip this entire year... we faced it through faith and trusting that God was indeed holding us in His hands and would never let us go... and we came through, by His grace, victorious and joyful.
Isaiah 49:15-16a
"The Lord answers, "Can a woman forget the baby she nurses?
Can she feel no kindness for the child to which she gave birth?
Even if she could forget her children, I will not forget you.
16 See, I have written your name on my hand."

Thank you to EACH of you for lifting us up in prayer and supporting us as we did this. I truly believe the prayers of God's people were answered!

1 comment:

  1. So glad you had a wonderful time. Been praying for you especially this past week.