My Circle

My Circle

Monday, October 22, 2012

Let the waters rise...

"Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You"

I'm sitting in my car, in a home depot parking lot. I've got things to return and errands to complete... Yet, I'm sitting here fighting tears as I listen to this beautiful song (by Mikeschair) and knowing that my Lord is ministering to me this bright Monday morning.

So much has been happening lately... The words to this song aptly describe my state of being as I navigate turbulent waters.
Long story short - we are moving!! This is something that has been on my heart for months and I've been prayerfully taking small steps and trusting God to lead and guide us. He has and I know we are in the center of His will for our lives at this moment. However, I knew that when the time came it would be stressful and emotional and I tried to prepare for that eventuality. Ha!
So I've been struggling... I'm not good at allowing people to see me struggle! So it's been doubly hard to maintain my smile -- when I felt like crawling into a dark closet and not coming out.
The darkness was overwhelming...

At the beginning of this process The Lord gave me a verse, " quietness and confidence shall be your strength..." Isaiah 30:15b
I've been holding on to that and remembering His promises and how He has ALWAYS been faithful.
But I've wavered on keeping that focus. One night last week, I desperately cried out asking, "God please show Yourself again... I can't handle the way I'm feeling..."

Every day since then, He has been moving, quieting me with His love...
Part of my issue is that I want things fixed the way I'd prefer - on my "own" strength. I have a very difficult time accepting the fact that I may need help and even knowing how to ask for it!
This morning I got a straightforward text from a dear friend in Christ and literally felt like God had just texted me!! I sat back and just laughed - it was like the Lord was saying "...look I'm trying to help you, STOP fighting Me..."
Wow!! Humbling moment (:

So here I sit, smiling through my tears... Knowing I am loved by the King, so unworthy, but, so loved!!

Thank You, God for caring about the details of our lives and loving us through our stubbornness!

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deut 31:8

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully said Hannah. And it is evident that God has been and continues to direct in every step.