Skip to main content

Let the waters rise...

"Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You"



I'm sitting in my car, in a home depot parking lot. I've got things to return and errands to complete... Yet, I'm sitting here fighting tears as I listen to this beautiful song (by Mikeschair) and knowing that my Lord is ministering to me this bright Monday morning.

So much has been happening lately... The words to this song aptly describe my state of being as I navigate turbulent waters.
Long story short - we are moving!! This is something that has been on my heart for months and I've been prayerfully taking small steps and trusting God to lead and guide us. He has and I know we are in the center of His will for our lives at this moment. However, I knew that when the time came it would be stressful and emotional and I tried to prepare for that eventuality. Ha!
So I've been struggling... I'm not good at allowing people to see me struggle! So it's been doubly hard to maintain my smile -- when I felt like crawling into a dark closet and not coming out.
The darkness was overwhelming...

At the beginning of this process The Lord gave me a verse, "...in quietness and confidence shall be your strength..." Isaiah 30:15b
I've been holding on to that and remembering His promises and how He has ALWAYS been faithful.
But I've wavered on keeping that focus. One night last week, I desperately cried out asking, "God please show Yourself again... I can't handle the way I'm feeling..."

Every day since then, He has been moving, quieting me with His love...
Part of my issue is that I want things fixed the way I'd prefer - on my "own" strength. I have a very difficult time accepting the fact that I may need help and even knowing how to ask for it!
This morning I got a straightforward text from a dear friend in Christ and literally felt like God had just texted me!! I sat back and just laughed - it was like the Lord was saying "...look I'm trying to help you, STOP fighting Me..."
Wow!! Humbling moment (:

So here I sit, smiling through my tears... Knowing I am loved by the King, so unworthy, but, so loved!!

Thank You, God for caring about the details of our lives and loving us through our stubbornness!

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deut 31:8

Comments

  1. Beautifully said Hannah. And it is evident that God has been and continues to direct in every step.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hiding in Jesus

Hiding in Jesus Today was a hard day, I start thinking I am doing okay and then unexpectedly the pain comes... Had a regular check-up for the baby today, and I felt that I was going to be okay, but when I walked into the office, the reality of how much my life is changing hit me and I broke down when the pediatrician walked into the exam room. Also today, I began the process of cleaning out my bedroom, removing a lot of the things that speak so loudly of Cj's presence - as we began pulling stuff out and I saw again how my life is changing, I found myself withdrawing and that now familiar ache spreading... I asked my sister to turn on my ipod and just shuffle my songs. Two songs came on, the first one which I haven't heard for probably 5 years at least! But these two songs were exactly what I needed to hear from my Savior and I was so blessed as His love spread into my hurting heart and again became that "balm of gilead" for me at that moment... I'm going to post a...

Free falling...

As I continue on this journey, I find that it is the little things that are catching me off guard and causing the most pain... I think because I'm not prepared for them. The big things I am ready for and I am able to take a breath and kind of "shore up" my emotional safeguards in preparation. But, the little, unexpected events - like removing the empty soap dish from Cj's sink in our bathroom and realizing that I don't have to fill it again, or when his phone popped up a reminder to change the air filters monthly... these things remind me again of the reality that he is never coming back and waves of grief wash over me and the tears flow... This week has been full of this emotional roller coaster - add to that a fretful and clingy baby who is no longer sleeping at night, stress filled moments/days over Cj's transportation to Nigeria, some anxiety over situations that were out of my control but nevertheless counted as my responsibility and fault, trying to keep...

Living in the shelter of His wings

Not really!! Just had a heart-stopper episode of frantic searching for a missing, deaf, 3yr old... Complete with running the block, kids searching the house, dragging the huge solar cover off the pool (wiped out on the ice with that one), searching all cars, frantic prayers, searching every closet, cupboard, bed, tossing every pile, feeling about to vomit as I called 911 after we couldn't find her ANYWHERE... Only to have my prayers answered when we found our sweet angel sound asleep in a toy box covered with a blanket..... She had hidden well!! Tears of utter relief and joy!!!! 911 operator chuckled when I started crying as I told her, "we found her and she is okay!!" #longest10minutesever #horrific #imdone #icedin #wrungout #needachiropractor #thankful #praisingGod The above was my post on my social network site yesterday.... I was babysitting my nieces & nephew and because of the ice storm we got in North Texas, ended up being alone with all 9 children (my ...