My Circle

My Circle

Friday, January 11, 2013


Tonight I've raised my voice, cajoled, threatened, begged, cried, and all but pulled my hair out in frustration/anguish over my beautiful, delightful blessings whom I call "my children"... Namely my littlest guy, William, he began his earthbound journey on his own terms and so it continues to this day!! (:
I thought I was fairly competent when it came to raising and training babies/toddlers, but this sweet sticky jumble of labile, volatile, and unexplainable emotions has me feeling like a solo trip to Alaska is becoming a necessity!!
He has been especially frumpy and grumpy for the past several days (I knew he was sick, fighting a bad cold) but the sudden decision to STOP, Drop and Roll into screeching anger management video sessions when nap time arrives -- why???
And then the past few nights the bedtime process has become somewhat of a nightmare for me as he is refusing to sleep anywhere but ON TOP of mommie, toes must be digging into my skin, still can't lie still so he wants to get up, sometimes play, this then becomes a screaming fest when he doesn't appreciate the punishment meted out for disobedience... However, instead of wiping away the tears and complying - he decides to test those limits yet again... This cycle has been wearing me DOWN!! I'm exhausted, stressed, and fighting my own cold. I'm doing ok until this sweet little boy baby with sparkling eyes and impish grin decides to test the limits of my wounded soul....
Okay, so tonight an hour into the screaming, tantrums and tears awash - I asked "what do you want, William? What do you need??" He sobs "daddy...momma...daddy..."

I almost choked. "Honey - what do you mean you want daddy? Do you want to look at pictures of daddy?"

Hiccuping, quieting cries and legs slowing their flailing... "Yesh..." He says in his little voice.
I gathered him into my lap and pulled out my phone - we spent the next 15 min going through old pics on fb of Cj and I.... He would point out "...daddy an momma..." And we would kiss the picture together. I told him how his daddy loved him so much and I wished he could hold him again - tonight!!
William sat quietly til we were done.. Then he laid down and is currently snoring softly. My poor boy missing a daddy he doesn't truly remember...
"Toska" comes to mind.


  1. Oh dear ~ This has my eyes filling and spilling. My heart goes out to you and your little family at this time. May God fill you and surround you with his love, peace and strength.

    Love ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

  2. Dearest Hannah, I admire you for your prophetic love for your family. You speak so honestly and openly about your life. You have taught me so much without even knowing it. Today, I want you to know, to say thank you, and for you to know I pray for you and your children so often. Thank you for opening your heart through this blog. I admire you as a friend and as a colleague. Love, Jenny Murray

    1. Jenny - you are so sweet, thank you for your encouraging words. I am so glad we get to work together! Thanks for being a bright spot in my day! (: