The Chijioke Life

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. These powerful statements are 3 short verses from 1 Thessalonians 5.... I wrote them down separately because as I read them this morning, I was struck by the simple, yet powerful commands of these phrases. Always be joyful.... never stop praying... be thankful in ALL circumstances... for THIS is God's will for you{me}.... I know I belong to Jesus and I know I am being held in His hand and that God is sovereign and reigning in my life... so I can choose to live out these commands and obey them, knowing all the while that this. is. God's. will. for. me. Even though there is much good in my life, in our lives and for the most part we are joyful and thriving, happiness & laughter abound in our home... the pain is present and the sorrow is real. I get frustrated by it, because I don't like being sad and living in pain is exhaust...

       This Friday is a day I don't like to remember... It is the day, the moment, my family's life changed irrevocably and our story became one I would never have chosen for us.  In a surreal and obscenely benign moment, I lost my husband of 11 years. Our 5 babies lost their beloved daddy.  We lost our family head, fearless leader, tireless supporter and visionary.  I lost my partner and main support, my best friend and love.  Our entire life came screeching to a halt as our family shattered before my unbelieving eyes...  {I close my eyes and see the water of that river running ~ unbroken ~ As we desperately searched for a sign of where he was trapped, a head bobbing up, a hand outstretched...but all I could see was the dark, rippling current... } These past weeks have been very hard, difficult because the memories of that day surge, the emotions, the wracking pain... {the disbelief} ... The agony of realizin...

I am sitting in my car, staring out the windshield - it's clean for today because I did dish out the funds to wash it - the inside needs a good scrubbing though.... Not sure when that will occur, that is so far down my triage list it's almost non-existent -- except that every time I drive my car I cringe at the grime. I drive my car a lot. :-/ **sigh** This isn't how I wanted to live my life -- I hate having a messy car, disorganized house, piles of laundry... To do lists that just keep on adding 2 items for every 1 item I check off.... If I never get a handle on my to-dos, why am I even still trying??  ::feel like I'm drowning sometimes:: I'm being real today, folks -- this job, this journey is too big -- I'm no good for it -- it's threatening to swallow me up in its loneliness & despair...  The darkness of fear, pain, grief, loneliness... It is pressing on my horizons and I feel like just laying down and giving up.  I'm allowing the tears to flow f...

April was a difficult month for me this year... I had a milestone birthday - 35. This was rough for me, not just because it is HALFWAY TO 70 (!!!).... but, because I am now officially older than Cj ever was in this life... Just another marker that he is gone and we have to move past that chapter of our lives on this earth. I want to keep him with us so badly, but, that is not possible and it is painful to be reminded of it - again. During the weeks leading up to April, I was fighting the sadness that was threatening to overwhelm as my birthday approached. But, God is SO good, you guys!! He knew how painful this birthday was for me and had a sweet surprise in store!! Rather out of the blue, a friend contacted several of us from an old playgroup/church fellowship and invited us on a girls trip to Cancun!! Wow.... what a delightful blessing!! It worked out that we left the day after my birthday so it worked as a birthday trip too :) We spent 5 days in the paradise of Cancun, Me...

   It's a rare, yet delightful, quiet moment in my house... Saturday and we are all sitting in our respective comfy perches - the electronics have been turned off (threatened mutiny) and the kids are nose deep into books for our "reading hour".  I am LOVING this moment!! The diffuser is burbling away with refreshing, healthy citrus, lavender and mint oils to help soothe allergies and boost immunity and William's husky, little voice is murmuring aloud to himself as he "reads" his picture books... all feels "right" in my world at this precise moment :) This beautiful moment came as a necessity born out of sheer frustration/child preservation as just a short hour ago I was dealing with teary, thunderous attitudes and self-pity from several of my dependents when I gave some constructive criticism on less than desirable behavior. It is SO hard being a single mom and I feel like I am "wallowing" at best....  this is when I remind myself that...

     Somebody told me that it was supposed to start warming up... I listened and didn't check before leaving the house, William and I both "teeth-chattered" our way into church for "all school worship" this morning!! It's NOT warm yet, but I will enjoy these last days of chilly weather -- I know the summer IS coming!! LOL This morning I had the awesome, holy experience of worshipping corporately with our school body. It's our "world impact day" as we prepare to send off hundreds of upper school students, faculty and parents literally around the world for a week of sharing the love of God with those lost and hurting.  "...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save those who are lost." Luke 19:10 As I sat looking down at hundreds of young kids ranging from chubby-cheeked preschoolers and gangly middle schoolers to (slightly) more polished, about-to-enter-the-world seniors, all participating and praising God together... I w...

I have said it before and I will say it again, but, we have some amazing friends in our lives -- "Framily" is the catch phrase, right?  I came home last night and walked through my house feeling like magic had been wrought -- the shoemakers' elves had been in my house!! A bit giddy, the kids & I went throughout the house laughing like it was Christmas morning!! A myriad of "to dos" are now on the "it's done" list!!  After getting the kids tucked into bed, I sat in the family room, the quiet enveloping and marveled at the peace and feeling of relief that flooded my soul... It may seem like such a small thing to get a blind put back up in a window... a doorknob fixed, a kitchen faucet that works right, ceiling light bulbs replaced, bushes cleared and trimmed... I hadn't realized how much these "little" things had been weighing on my subconscious until it was taken care of for me by my "Texas family" -- a group of brot...