I am LOVING this moment!! The diffuser is burbling away with refreshing, healthy citrus, lavender and mint oils to help soothe allergies and boost immunity and William's husky, little voice is murmuring aloud to himself as he "reads" his picture books... all feels "right" in my world at this precise moment :)
This beautiful moment came as a necessity born out of sheer frustration/child preservation as just a short hour ago I was dealing with teary, thunderous attitudes and self-pity from several of my dependents when I gave some constructive criticism on less than desirable behavior. It is SO hard being a single mom and I feel like I am "wallowing" at best.... this is when I remind myself that it is only by God's GRACE that we are taking each step! So, even though we have a major list of "to dos" for our saturday, we are taking an hour to just "BE" and allow some quietness to soothe some ruffled feathers.
If you are a parent, I am sure you understand the exhaustion of constantly having to reign in your OWN behavior/attitude as you try to train your kids on theirs... I slip on this often! I have several reminders that pop up periodically on my phone to reinforce my own behavior and remind me not to get bogged down in the "irritations" of parenthood.
"Keep anger low, keep honor high... make a list of WHY ***** is valuable - as a reminder when the going gets tough"
"Positively enforce kids to get desired results - you have 4 "men" and 1 "woman of grace" in this household. Treat with respect and delight - how would you want to be treated?"
I have multiple "single mom/widow" friends and we struggle with the single parenthood aspect and the side of grief that it brings out of us. I wrestle with feeling "angry/irritated" at Cj that he is once again getting the easier road... leaving me with 5 kids who need to be raised into adults, four of them MEN!! My oldest being 12, we haven't even reached the "teenager years" yet!
:::"Oh dear Lord Jesus, have mercy on us and meet us in our need!!":::
I want to question at times the goodness and validity of this plan.
Thankfully, God is a loving Abba Father and He deals with us in understanding and allows the questions and tantrums from our aching hearts and weary souls. He knows that we are "just human"!!
:::Thank you, God for your mercy and grace!:::
He gently reaches out to me when I am "curled up, crying, in a dark corner" and allows a refocusing so I can once again have hope and get up to take another step on this journey.
"...the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans... That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28 [The Message]
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber... the Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand..." Psalm 121:1-3, 5" [ESV]