Skip to main content

parenthood and survival!!

   It's a rare, yet delightful, quiet moment in my house... Saturday and we are all sitting in our respective comfy perches - the electronics have been turned off (threatened mutiny) and the kids are nose deep into books for our "reading hour". 
I am LOVING this moment!! The diffuser is burbling away with refreshing, healthy citrus, lavender and mint oils to help soothe allergies and boost immunity and William's husky, little voice is murmuring aloud to himself as he "reads" his picture books... all feels "right" in my world at this precise moment :)

This beautiful moment came as a necessity born out of sheer frustration/child preservation as just a short hour ago I was dealing with teary, thunderous attitudes and self-pity from several of my dependents when I gave some constructive criticism on less than desirable behavior. It is SO hard being a single mom and I feel like I am "wallowing" at best....  this is when I remind myself that it is only by God's GRACE that we are taking each step! So, even though we have a major list of "to dos" for our saturday, we are taking an hour to just "BE" and allow some quietness to soothe some ruffled feathers. 

If you are a parent, I am sure you understand the exhaustion of constantly having to reign in your OWN behavior/attitude as you try to train your kids on theirs... I slip on this often! I have several reminders that pop up periodically on my phone to reinforce my own behavior and remind me not to get bogged down in the "irritations" of parenthood. 

"Keep anger low, keep honor high... make a list of WHY ***** is valuable - as a reminder when the going gets tough"

"Positively enforce kids to get desired results - you have 4 "men" and 1 "woman of grace" in this household. Treat with respect and delight - how would you want to be treated?"


I have multiple "single mom/widow" friends and we struggle with the single parenthood aspect and the side of grief that it brings out of us. I wrestle with feeling "angry/irritated" at Cj that he is once again getting the easier road... leaving me with 5 kids who need to be raised into adults, four of them MEN!! My oldest being 12, we haven't even reached the "teenager years" yet! 

 :::"Oh dear Lord Jesus, have mercy on us and meet us in our need!!"::: 

I want to question at times the goodness and validity of this plan. 

Thankfully, God is a loving Abba Father and He deals with us in understanding and allows the questions and tantrums from our aching hearts and weary souls. He knows that we are "just human"!! 

:::Thank you, God for your mercy and grace!:::

He gently reaches out to me when I am "curled up, crying, in a dark corner" and allows a refocusing so I can once again have hope and get up to take another step on this journey.

"...the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans... That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28 [The Message]


"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber... the Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand..." Psalm 121:1-3, 5" [ESV]



Comments

  1. God's blessings and strength on you as you raise your children as a single parent.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hiding in Jesus

Hiding in Jesus Today was a hard day, I start thinking I am doing okay and then unexpectedly the pain comes... Had a regular check-up for the baby today, and I felt that I was going to be okay, but when I walked into the office, the reality of how much my life is changing hit me and I broke down when the pediatrician walked into the exam room. Also today, I began the process of cleaning out my bedroom, removing a lot of the things that speak so loudly of Cj's presence - as we began pulling stuff out and I saw again how my life is changing, I found myself withdrawing and that now familiar ache spreading... I asked my sister to turn on my ipod and just shuffle my songs. Two songs came on, the first one which I haven't heard for probably 5 years at least! But these two songs were exactly what I needed to hear from my Savior and I was so blessed as His love spread into my hurting heart and again became that "balm of gilead" for me at that moment... I'm going to post a...

Free falling...

As I continue on this journey, I find that it is the little things that are catching me off guard and causing the most pain... I think because I'm not prepared for them. The big things I am ready for and I am able to take a breath and kind of "shore up" my emotional safeguards in preparation. But, the little, unexpected events - like removing the empty soap dish from Cj's sink in our bathroom and realizing that I don't have to fill it again, or when his phone popped up a reminder to change the air filters monthly... these things remind me again of the reality that he is never coming back and waves of grief wash over me and the tears flow... This week has been full of this emotional roller coaster - add to that a fretful and clingy baby who is no longer sleeping at night, stress filled moments/days over Cj's transportation to Nigeria, some anxiety over situations that were out of my control but nevertheless counted as my responsibility and fault, trying to keep...

Living in the shelter of His wings

Not really!! Just had a heart-stopper episode of frantic searching for a missing, deaf, 3yr old... Complete with running the block, kids searching the house, dragging the huge solar cover off the pool (wiped out on the ice with that one), searching all cars, frantic prayers, searching every closet, cupboard, bed, tossing every pile, feeling about to vomit as I called 911 after we couldn't find her ANYWHERE... Only to have my prayers answered when we found our sweet angel sound asleep in a toy box covered with a blanket..... She had hidden well!! Tears of utter relief and joy!!!! 911 operator chuckled when I started crying as I told her, "we found her and she is okay!!" #longest10minutesever #horrific #imdone #icedin #wrungout #needachiropractor #thankful #praisingGod The above was my post on my social network site yesterday.... I was babysitting my nieces & nephew and because of the ice storm we got in North Texas, ended up being alone with all 9 children (my ...