Skip to main content

parenthood and survival!!

   It's a rare, yet delightful, quiet moment in my house... Saturday and we are all sitting in our respective comfy perches - the electronics have been turned off (threatened mutiny) and the kids are nose deep into books for our "reading hour". 
I am LOVING this moment!! The diffuser is burbling away with refreshing, healthy citrus, lavender and mint oils to help soothe allergies and boost immunity and William's husky, little voice is murmuring aloud to himself as he "reads" his picture books... all feels "right" in my world at this precise moment :)

This beautiful moment came as a necessity born out of sheer frustration/child preservation as just a short hour ago I was dealing with teary, thunderous attitudes and self-pity from several of my dependents when I gave some constructive criticism on less than desirable behavior. It is SO hard being a single mom and I feel like I am "wallowing" at best....  this is when I remind myself that it is only by God's GRACE that we are taking each step! So, even though we have a major list of "to dos" for our saturday, we are taking an hour to just "BE" and allow some quietness to soothe some ruffled feathers. 

If you are a parent, I am sure you understand the exhaustion of constantly having to reign in your OWN behavior/attitude as you try to train your kids on theirs... I slip on this often! I have several reminders that pop up periodically on my phone to reinforce my own behavior and remind me not to get bogged down in the "irritations" of parenthood. 

"Keep anger low, keep honor high... make a list of WHY ***** is valuable - as a reminder when the going gets tough"

"Positively enforce kids to get desired results - you have 4 "men" and 1 "woman of grace" in this household. Treat with respect and delight - how would you want to be treated?"


I have multiple "single mom/widow" friends and we struggle with the single parenthood aspect and the side of grief that it brings out of us. I wrestle with feeling "angry/irritated" at Cj that he is once again getting the easier road... leaving me with 5 kids who need to be raised into adults, four of them MEN!! My oldest being 12, we haven't even reached the "teenager years" yet! 

 :::"Oh dear Lord Jesus, have mercy on us and meet us in our need!!"::: 

I want to question at times the goodness and validity of this plan. 

Thankfully, God is a loving Abba Father and He deals with us in understanding and allows the questions and tantrums from our aching hearts and weary souls. He knows that we are "just human"!! 

:::Thank you, God for your mercy and grace!:::

He gently reaches out to me when I am "curled up, crying, in a dark corner" and allows a refocusing so I can once again have hope and get up to take another step on this journey.

"...the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans... That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28 [The Message]


"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber... the Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand..." Psalm 121:1-3, 5" [ESV]



Comments

  1. God's blessings and strength on you as you raise your children as a single parent.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Embracing The Path

"I hate, hate, hate being a widow" I exclaimed, tears trickling down my face into my hair as I lay on my bed, talking on the phone with a friend. "I am 38 years old and I don't know who I am, because my life got turned upside down 6 years ago and I no longer know me.... actually, that isn't true, I do know...", I whispered, "I just don't want it." "I don't want this life and yet I feel like in order to move forward into what God has for me, I need to embrace this truth of who I am - even though I didn't choose it." , my voice broke as I swiped uselessly at the endless trail of silent tears, "I. Didn't. Want. This." I am at a conference  for my company this  holiday weekend  and it has been great! A few days packed full of information, knowledge, laughter, new friends -- and self examination and truths.  This was supposed to be a weekend of business training and yet all I keep hearing is "know who yo...

A 40th Birthday

Cj would have celebrated his 40th birthday yesterday.  No matter how well I think I've prepared for it, acknowledged it... no matter how many times I've been here in the almost 6yrs of walking this path; the anniversaries - birthdays, holidays, our wedding, his death - these days are brutal for me.  It doesn't matter how well I've been doing or how strong I'm feeling in the weeks leading up to them -- there always comes the day when I can't hold it together anymore and the grief comes roaring back to center stage.  I can blame it on exhaustion, stress, sadness of other circumstances around me triggering it, but, the truth of the matter is that I just miss him.  I hate being a widow.  Hate my kids not having a daddy.  Hate missing him so badly it hurts to breathe.  Hate remembering the good times only to awaken to the reality again.  Hate mourning the "what should have been".  Hate walking around choking on tears and drow...

Lessons in the Carribbean

Yesterday was a stepping stone in my grief process, a moment in the healing journey. Grief is such an odd walk, sometimes you expect the triggers - like driving through Tennessee last year - and other times these moments crash on you unexpectedly. Oddly enough, these are the moments that, although they are awful to breathe through - bring such comfort because I KNOW the presence and peace of my Savior as He carries me through the valley, lifts me up out of the waves. Yesterday was one of those unexpected tsunamis that opened my eyes to another facet of healing, growth, and grief that I needed, desperately, to address. It was a perfect day in the Riviera Maya - we were on a girls birthday trip in Tulum, an unexpected blessing, and we decided to try a new activity; paddle-boarding in a bay off the ocean. We headed out early, dashing across mexican traffic to catch the "Collectiva", or local taxi bus. We crowded 6 of us girls into the little bus and hurtled down the road. Upon r...