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4 years today

Today marks 4 years.... four years of widowhood, of single parenthood, of daily grief, of walking in this uncertain future, of marveling at the intricate dance of joy and sorrow as we embrace this journey God has allowed for us.

Instead of running away from the pain and devastation of our loss, we are learning to face it - walk in it - grow through it... and in the process we glimpse new facets of God's character and love for us and we realize that we are indeed able to do and be more than we could ever imagine - through Him.

::honestly, today makes me FEEL like curling into a fetal position in the darkest corner of the furthest spot of my home.... and not coming out again:: 

However, I will choose not to do that -- Today, I will smile, I will laugh and enjoy time with my family we are visiting in Colorado. I will run errands, cook a meal and enjoy every breath of every moment that God grants me this day. I will choose to Thrive!

Today was a day that forever changed us - our lives are so very different than what we enjoyed prior to losing Cj. But, we are thriving and growing and making the most of every moment we have left.

I see so much beauty in the depth of the characters of my children who have experienced so much of life at such an early age. As a Mom, it grieves my heart to the point of physical anguish that they are so acquainted with pain and grief, but, I know that God is using even this for good.

We acknowledge today for what it is... but, we do not dwell on it or allow it to permeate our day. We celebrate Cj and his life on other days - not this day - so we fill this day with things we enjoy and as memories of July 11, 2011 pass through our minds we may shed a tear, but, we also smile as we choose to remember the fun we had that morning and that week prior - so thankful for how we got to spend our last days together - as a family.


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