My Circle

My Circle

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Fighting to Live Every Moment!

I'm sitting on an airplane again.... Raindrops trickling down the windowpane as we sit on the runway. We have been delayed due to severe storms, sitting here for almost an hour.

I've made good use of the time, studying and listening to business training, but, I reached a moment of overload as idea after idea and budding hopes swirled in my head; each trying to take shape.
I closed my books and turned on my music, resting my head on the blue, pleather headrest. "Lord, I have such vision -- it's almost hard for me to believe it for myself, for my family, for my team... Yet, I know You made me with this desire for more, this passion burning in my chest to help others find their inner flame and reach their dreams - to live to the highest potential You have called us towards. But, if I'm honest, I'm scared! Like, "mouth dry-can't swallow-butterflies in my stomach" scared - all those what ifs. But, I'm learning to turn that volume off and instead speak Your Truth into my heart and life..."

::A quiet Voice resonates in my soul, "What is your alternative? If you don't step out daughter, there are so many who will not be reached, there are so many waiting for the Light to shine -- will you be a vessel of glory for Me?"::

{“...become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to His guests for their blessing.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:21‬ ‭MSG‬‬}

As I rested, eyes closed, the opening guitar strains of One Republic's song, "I Lived", began playing... 
"I hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall. Hope when the water rises, you built a wall... Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay... The only way you can know is give it all you have. And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain. Hope when the moment comes, you'll say
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did. With every broken bone, I swear I lived.

I fought a sudden wave of tears as my Cj's face came to mind and his life played before me. The choices he made, the way he RAN his race of life, fighting for his goals and dreams... blowing the status quo out of the water in so many areas.
I recently told a friend, "I never had to prod or pull CJ... I was running to keep up!" His example challenged me and still does every day - I loved him for many reasons, but, his drive and determined focus were ones that stuck out to me. I respected him greatly and loved him for it. 
He never found a reason he couldn't reach for a goal; he simply did it. Despite numerous people telling him otherwise. Despite it looking impossible. His example pushes me on to fight when I want to give up, when I want to say I can't, it's too hard.

Fight the urge to be angry that I have to be both provider and nurturer and I can never get it all done.
Fight the guilt that tries to creep in when I leave my precious children for yet another trip that is based on building my business and our future.
Fight the despair and overwhelm at the weight of the burden that is single parenting.
 Fight the crushing sadness that loneliness brings at night when all is quiet or when I have to sit alone in a crowded room of couples.
Fight to get back up after being bowled over by a tsunami of grief that still takes my breath away and makes my heart shiver.
Fight to move on and try again after failing in epic ways.
Fight to BELIEVE that I can reach my goals and dreams.
Fight to learn ways to become better at what I do -no matter how little time I have available.
Fight to learn how to show others how to fulfill their dreams.
Fight to keep that "moment of decision" an everyday commitment. 

The chorus to the song soared, "...I, I did it all! I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did. With every broken bone, I swear I lived"

I blinked away the tears and smiled, "...babe, I am trying to keep up still! I'm going to LIVE this life -- take that jump, take every second that this life gives, every moment God grants me to have an impact. I'm taking it! I know you are watching, praying for us, and I hope you are proud of me and the choices I am making for our family's future. Father, thank you for giving me perspective and hope and a push forward... I'm forever grateful for the examples You have given me and the desire to keep moving upward."

Keep us in prayer, keep me in prayer -- I'm fighting to live every moment God offers to me. It's a daunting task and yet, I am grateful I get the chance - when that moment comes, I want to say I lived! #choosingtothrive 

1 comment:

  1. God's continued blessings on you.

    Your post inspired me this morning, thank you ~ FlowerLady