Skip to main content

a First birthday!!


Yesterday was William's first birthday -- my baby is becoming a big boy!! Where has the time gone?? I can't believe it has been a year already...

It was hard yesterday, watching him zip around the house - crawling and walking, us singing happy birthday and all the while wishing that Cj was here to be a part of the celebration...

I've often wondered what William thinks about his dad being gone -- it breaks my heart. There have been a few times, earlier on, when I felt that William was actually looking for his dad. Sometimes, at night, he would cry and cry, looking around, as if waiting for his dad to walk in.
Of all our babies, William was the most attached to his dad, at this young of an age. He would stay happily with his dad for hours, leaning on his shoulder while Cj worked on his laptop. He was the only one of our babies who would willingly go to his daddy over me! I used to laugh and joke that it wasn't fair because I was the one who did all the "hard work" and he liked Cj better!! I guess, God just made their relationship a bit more special since he knew it would be so short...

One afternoon, a few weeks after Cj died, a friend walked into our house - he is very tall and was wearing business suit pants (which is what Cj wore to work everyday), William dived out of my arms and made a beeline for this guy, grabbed onto his legs and held on for dear life when the guy scooped him up.
William had actually never met him before and when he got up to eye level, he just sat back and stared at the man's face, as if suprised to see it wasn't his daddy. I almost cried as I realized William had thought his dad had come home and he was so excited to get to him.
He has latched onto my brothers and loves being held by them when they are here, when we skyped with his uncle Luke, he tried to jump through the screen and kept yelling, "hey!!". (:
William loves to see pictures of his dad, he definitely still recognizes him... His first word was, "dada", and he still says it often, laughing and clapping his hands...a huge grin on his face! (:
I often wonder what it will be like for William to grow up never knowing his dad, just seeing pictures and hearing stories. I can't really comprehend it!
However, I know that God is the father of the fatherless and will take care of William's every need and I cling to that promise!

Happy Birthday baby boy!! We love you bunches!! (:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hiding in Jesus

Hiding in Jesus Today was a hard day, I start thinking I am doing okay and then unexpectedly the pain comes... Had a regular check-up for the baby today, and I felt that I was going to be okay, but when I walked into the office, the reality of how much my life is changing hit me and I broke down when the pediatrician walked into the exam room. Also today, I began the process of cleaning out my bedroom, removing a lot of the things that speak so loudly of Cj's presence - as we began pulling stuff out and I saw again how my life is changing, I found myself withdrawing and that now familiar ache spreading... I asked my sister to turn on my ipod and just shuffle my songs. Two songs came on, the first one which I haven't heard for probably 5 years at least! But these two songs were exactly what I needed to hear from my Savior and I was so blessed as His love spread into my hurting heart and again became that "balm of gilead" for me at that moment... I'm going to post a
Post a Comment
Read more

Free falling...

As I continue on this journey, I find that it is the little things that are catching me off guard and causing the most pain... I think because I'm not prepared for them. The big things I am ready for and I am able to take a breath and kind of "shore up" my emotional safeguards in preparation. But, the little, unexpected events - like removing the empty soap dish from Cj's sink in our bathroom and realizing that I don't have to fill it again, or when his phone popped up a reminder to change the air filters monthly... these things remind me again of the reality that he is never coming back and waves of grief wash over me and the tears flow... This week has been full of this emotional roller coaster - add to that a fretful and clingy baby who is no longer sleeping at night, stress filled moments/days over Cj's transportation to Nigeria, some anxiety over situations that were out of my control but nevertheless counted as my responsibility and fault, trying to keep
Post a Comment
Read more

Changes... Daring to Change

Have you ever felt like, in life, you were standing at the edge of a precipice about to take a plunge? That weird sense of nauseating excitement and nerves as you wonder what awaits if you dare to take “just a step”? The gut twisting, teeth clenching anxiety as you wonder what awaits... Have you ever stood at a crossroads, turning in slow, dizzying circles as you ponder which path to choose… understanding that whichever route you choose will bring uncertain futures – many good, perhaps many difficult and you try to weigh the costs without truly knowing what price they may require? Life is such a tangle of choices… sometimes I can’t trace the threads back to the one that led me to the point where I am standing now – at a crossroads, on a precipice, peering over the edge, feeling the wind whistle past, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat as I stare at the future looming… As a girl, I handed the reigns of my life over to the One whom my soul loves… my pr
4 comments
Read more