My Circle

My Circle

Saturday, October 22, 2011

a First birthday!!

Yesterday was William's first birthday -- my baby is becoming a big boy!! Where has the time gone?? I can't believe it has been a year already...

It was hard yesterday, watching him zip around the house - crawling and walking, us singing happy birthday and all the while wishing that Cj was here to be a part of the celebration...

I've often wondered what William thinks about his dad being gone -- it breaks my heart. There have been a few times, earlier on, when I felt that William was actually looking for his dad. Sometimes, at night, he would cry and cry, looking around, as if waiting for his dad to walk in.
Of all our babies, William was the most attached to his dad, at this young of an age. He would stay happily with his dad for hours, leaning on his shoulder while Cj worked on his laptop. He was the only one of our babies who would willingly go to his daddy over me! I used to laugh and joke that it wasn't fair because I was the one who did all the "hard work" and he liked Cj better!! I guess, God just made their relationship a bit more special since he knew it would be so short...

One afternoon, a few weeks after Cj died, a friend walked into our house - he is very tall and was wearing business suit pants (which is what Cj wore to work everyday), William dived out of my arms and made a beeline for this guy, grabbed onto his legs and held on for dear life when the guy scooped him up.
William had actually never met him before and when he got up to eye level, he just sat back and stared at the man's face, as if suprised to see it wasn't his daddy. I almost cried as I realized William had thought his dad had come home and he was so excited to get to him.
He has latched onto my brothers and loves being held by them when they are here, when we skyped with his uncle Luke, he tried to jump through the screen and kept yelling, "hey!!". (:
William loves to see pictures of his dad, he definitely still recognizes him... His first word was, "dada", and he still says it often, laughing and clapping his hands...a huge grin on his face! (:
I often wonder what it will be like for William to grow up never knowing his dad, just seeing pictures and hearing stories. I can't really comprehend it!
However, I know that God is the father of the fatherless and will take care of William's every need and I cling to that promise!

Happy Birthday baby boy!! We love you bunches!! (:

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