My Circle

My Circle

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Ode to a Pair of Shoes

"Today was the day I said good-bye to you, you are worn and look a bit weary... 
I don't think I've untied your laces in over a year and there are a myriad of little strings sticking out here and there... 
I thought I'd just be happy, to retire you, to mark this as {my. last. day.}
But, I paused as I started to turn away, "..take time", a quiet Voice whispered. 
::And so, I stood there, in the dark of the night, and I remembered:: 
You had only one job description, "work shoes". NEVER to be confused with "workout shoes", "home shoes" or "play shoes". You have always been, "work ONLY shoes". 
::And, as such, you have faithfully carried me on my work journey:: 
The cold, dark mornings... where the wind nipped at my nose and I clutched the hot coffee cup a little tighter as I jogged to the brightly, lit door. 
Or the balmy, muggy, summer skies as the sun lazily stretched over the horizon and I thankfully ducked into the chill of the building - knowing another scorcher was dawning. 
Or the end of shifts, when I could barely make it to the car, feet throbbing, legs and back aching, head pounding - knowing that I had run off a "bit more" tread during this particular shift! 
How about the times where I laughed all the way to the car with my coworkers as we let off steam after the work of the day -- almost giddy to be free!! 
::You have carried me so many, many miles:: 
You were there in the busy moments,
the lazy moments,
the quiet moments,
the silly moments,
the boring moments,
the annoying moments,
the angry moments,
the crazy and chaotic moments when the phone {just. keeps. ringing} and the ED {just. keeps. showing up.} at the desk with yet, another, tired momma... looking up at us with hope/fear in their eyes, praying that we would see them for WHO they are, not just another "numbered chart"
You carried me into each new patient room, as I figured out how to be THAT person's interviewer, friend, caretaker, teacher, confidant - all within moments of learning their name! 
You were there as I held patient's hands, talking them through the pain or fears of the moment, answering their questions, translating medical talk into, "what does this mean for me and my baby"
You faithfully carried me as I dashed down hallways pushing heavy beds to the OR as we rushed to save a life... or two... or three... 
You carried me up and down flights of stairs as I carried lifesaving blood and other products as we fought to keep a momma alive to meet her newborn... 
You carried me as I "bagged" a momma all the way to the ICU, praying with every step, and then spent the next several hours, holding her hand and talking her through the terror of awakening to intubation. 
You were there as I spent 12hr shifts doing all in my power and knowledge to keep sick mommas alive. Praying to God for His mercy, wisdom, and intervention as I checked and double checked medications, collaborated with physicians and other services, pulling out every nurse trick I knew! 
You rocked with me, as I cradled little ones whose lives, not yet even begun, were tragically cut short. You held me up at the side of families who mourned, supporting me as I supported them. 
We stood on hallowed ground as I stayed at the side of the wee ones, born too soon or too weak, walking them heavenward, counting slowing heartbeats for anguished parents as they held their precious ones... 
You paced me in the halls as I rocked inconsolable babes whose mommas were too wounded or too broken to make the right choices during pregnancy -- and the innocent ones paid the price after birth. 
You were there in the intense, agonizing moments as new moms prove to themselves that, "yes, they CAN do it", as they labor powerfully to birth beautiful, new lives into this world. And I got to see families being created as, out of the "ashes" of the work of labor, a strong, new being arose - a momma! 
You hung on in the surprise moments of, "oops, baby's coming NOW -- can't stop it, just catch it"! LOL :) 
You were there for the hundreds of exhausted, yet triumphant, mommas being wheeled down the hallway to postpartum land after we forged bonds surviving labor & delivery. 
So many, many stories and encounters over the years! 
::Together we have seen so much and done so much:: 
You have walked where bare feet dare not trod! You have been splashed with "questionable fluids", stepped in "oh gross, what's that?!", been scoured with hospital grade chemicals and survived to work another day! LOL 
You were worked HARD and have the scuffs and marks to prove it. They are badges of honor and I wore you happily! 
But, now, our time together is completed and as I think on this fact, I marvel at the years that have flown by... 
::As I retire you today, my "work shoes", I pause, and I remember::" HC


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