My Circle

My Circle

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Spaces Between...

My new house {felt. like. home.} for the first time this past weekend...

I was turning off lights after tucking in 9 kids (my nieces/nephew were spending the night), the house was quiet as they all nodded off to sleep quickly and I was smiling to myself as I remembered the laughter and conversation with family and new friends that had taken place, at my table, over food prepared in my kitchen. I paused in my rounds of locking doors, pushing errant chairs up to tables and thanked God for the moment. 

::Hello, My love... I see your fears and know your troubled, weary heart. Rest with me here, take courage, I am with you. I have called you, you are My very own. I have great plans for you, daughter::

We've been in Delaware for some time, but, I only found and closed on our new house in September. We've been here for a couple weeks now. Although I was delighted to finally be IN our new house - the piled boxes, figuring out new utilities/services, waiting on contractors, and lurking repairs led to the unsettled, nagging feeling of "camping out" vs "being home"  at the end of the day as I contemplated my ever-growing to-do list. 


::It is hard, to See, to Understand, to Know, from your perspective. But, trust ME, trust MY character, My perspective, and heart FOR you::

I am a homebody, for me it is important that my house feel like home. Although I love people and enjoy a good party, I am a true introvert and NEED to have a spot, a space, of my very own, where I can relax and "recharge". These past few months of being in limbo as I moved my little family across the nation have been draining; to say the least. 

I made sure to be as disciplined as possible in keeping up with my intake of supplements and using my oils to keep my body balanced and running in the "wellness zone" and for stress management. But, I'd be lying if I said I handled every ludicrous moment in the best way possible! My sleep was whacked, my diet was jacked and the kids right along with me... all of that, plus we were all struggling with accepting and adjusting to the major changes in our lives. Even though we LOVE our new state, are having new adventures every day, have been BLESSED with a growing group of awesome people we get to call friends -- we ALL missed our old home, community, friends, work, comfort zone.

{I just want to be home, to be settled... Dear God, what have I done? You say that "weeping endures for the night". God, this night feels like it will NEVER end. Where is the "joy that comes in the morning"? This waiting feels so overwhelming and discouraging}

::Honor this time between "what was" and "what is to come". Acknowledge and learn what I have for you in this time before "what is next"::

The saying by Elisabeth Elliott, "don't dig up in fear what you planted in faith", ran through my head often. When the questions and anxious thoughts crowded my mind and kept me awake at night. When I WISHED I could pick up the phone to set a coffee date with a good friend to chat. When I, for the 1000th time, had a conversation with one or the other of my kids about "WHY" did we move again? When the sadness of not being able to share our new joys and adventures with Cj pressed heavily on my shoulders and happiness. I would list the facts and reasons I had for making this momentous decision and weigh them against the troubles or uncertainties of the moment... and as I did, peace would soothe the jagged edges of my heart as I remembered and acknowledged the Call again.

::I have called you. I. Am. Faithful::

So, tonight I am sitting here in my living room, the lights are low and the house is calm, the kids are quiet and in their beds, I can hear my older boys talking in the room they share -- the happy rumble of their voices and quiet laughter is soothing. Music is softly playing and I am contemplating where God is leading me - leading us.  I realize, that we are on a journey and I have no idea what my Father has in store for us, but, I KNOW that He called us, He is good, He is faithful and He has great plans for us!

I am learning to honor the "not yet" times; the "in between" times. The "what it used to be" can seem so alluring and it is easy to get stuck reminiscing and wishing for "what was", instead of learning what it is God has for us in the NOW, the valleys, the "why" moments. I could waste time wishing for the "not yets", the "what ifs" and "why not yets"; not that I haven't spent my fair share of time doing that. I'm only human! But, I've learned that both of these views keep us distracted from the NOW of where we are at and from focusing on growing where we are planted at the moment. I am attempting to keep a vision of where God is leading us, loving where He brought us from, but, remaining disciplined to focus on the NOW. There will come a day when we look back and say, "wow, see where God has brought us?!" 

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