The Chijioke Life

Today is Cj's 35th birthday - I keep thinking of what we would have been doing if this were a normal year with a normal birthday... I would have teased him that he was getting old... "Only 5 more years til 40!! Truly hitting middle age... Start looking for those gray hairs!!" Lol, I can see his wry grin now! I wondered what Cj would be like as an old/older man. I couldn't picture it, because of course, I only knew him as a young guy and everything about him was strong, active and...young. (: I used to jokingly remark that I didn't think he would be able to handle getting old... He would get too frustrated with having to slow down, to not be a "force to be reckoned with" on the soccer field!! We celebrated by going to one of our family's favorite restaurants, where we went for Cj's birthday last year... I had the waiter bring out the "birthday brownie sundae" at the end. Funny, the kids didn't devour it like they usually do... The ...

So after my last post, I went to bed, determined to keep my eyes on what the Lord was telling me and trust in Him... Have you ever heard the phrase, "...be careful what you wish (or in this case, pray) for..."? LOL The next morning was Sunday, I was looking forward to attending church for the first time in several weeks. Due to work, etc. I hadn't been able to make it and I was hungry for some fellowship and a chance to worship and learn... Well, my morning started out with a VERY cranky 14month old, who didn't want anything but for me to hold him - not easy to do when trying to dress for church!! As I was juggling keeping him happy and getting ready - I heard Cadence start screaming from the other room... She and Justin had been playing, racing each other and the dog had gotten excited and in the process of joining the chase - she ran through Cadie's legs and completely upended her. Cadence landed hard on her head on our marble floor!! No blood and I couldn...

I have been really struggling this week, struggling with grief, fear, loss, the feeling that I am expected to be "over this now", the reality that it has only just begun and all the emotions tied up in those issues... I was working hard to remember the verses God had given me, struggling to not be discouraged... I am overwhelmed with the inability to "get a handle on things" -- I feel like just when I'm starting to stand upright, I keep getting my feet knocked out from under me!! I have not been "resting" lately, I have a thousand items clamoring for my attention and for each thing I get crossed off of my list... it seems like two more get added!! Add to that, my inability to sleep due to working nights and my "circadian rhythm" getting out of whack and it turns me into an exhausted, emotional wreck!! I worked last night and during the quiet, still hours of the late night/early morning, I felt like I was battling for control of my mind and tr...

This week has quickly passed by! The plumbers came on Wednesday to begin the work on my slab leak, as it had been over a week without hot water in my house, we were more than ready to have it fixed!! However, I was DREADING the upheaval it was going to cause, jack-hammering through my tile and foundation... I had a few appointments that morning, so I left, knowing my sister would oversee the work and keep me updated. Upon looking at my contract I saw that the quoted price covered "...up to 8 hours of labor and 3 ft of pipe...anything extra will incur further costs..." "Great" , I said to Martha, "I wonder how much more it will cost me... the guy said it was a potentially complicated leak and worst case, could lead to me having 3 holes busted into my tile and/or new wood floor... the way things are going in my life, I'm just going to plan for the worst!!" She just laughed at me. As I was sitting in my counseling appointment, we were discussing some of ...

Today was Cadence's 5th birthday -- a milestone in her young life. Happy birthday my beautiful princess - hard to believe how fast the time is flying by!! We had fun celebrating with most of my family in town for the week. It was good to celebrate, as its been a rough few days here! My Christmas eve present was to discover a "warm spot" on my kitchen floor... Couldn't figure out what was causing it -- with the cold weather it was actually kinda nice (: Would've been great if I actually had heated tile floors, but -- I don't! :-/ When it started spreading farther into the kitchen and the living room and then became a HOT spot, we began to get a bit worried!! 3 days later, after much investigation and a call to the fire department - we got in touch with a plumber who proceeded to alert us that we have a "slab leak". **...Sigh...** So it appears that my house is about to be torn apart -- again. They tell me that they will try to bust up just my ...

Its Christmas morning...I'm sitting here in a quiet, empty house - pandora's playing christmas music gently in the background and the christmas tree lights are twinkling at me from across the room, wrapped presents still piled underneath... it is beautiful! We only got into our stockings this morning, my family took the kids to church this morning and we are going to open presents when they get back. I stayed home to "take a nap" because I am scheduled to work tonight... But, I am missing Cj too much today -- I started looking for any pictures of him that I could find and the tears simply won't stop today... I made it through our first birthdays without daddy and the first Thanksgiving without my husband was sad and I kept looking for him...but I got through without breakdowns -- I didn't expect Christmas to bring such a well of grief, this entire week leading up to Christmas has been been rough! I miss my husband so very much -- we are missing our daddy, it...

The twins turned 8 years old!!! Can't believe they are getting so big... We celebrated a day early cause I had to work, went to see the "adventures of Tintin", pretty good (: the boys loved it! We then had a celebration dinner out with a few close friends - fun times. God bless these little boys, they bring a lot of joy to this momma's heart!! (: