Skip to main content

Christmas morning....

Its Christmas morning...I'm sitting here in a quiet, empty house - pandora's playing christmas music gently in the background and the christmas tree lights are twinkling at me from across the room, wrapped presents still piled underneath... it is beautiful! We only got into our stockings this morning, my family took the kids to church this morning and we are going to open presents when they get back. I stayed home to "take a nap" because I am scheduled to work tonight...
But, I am missing Cj too much today -- I started looking for any pictures of him that I could find and the tears simply won't stop today...
I made it through our first birthdays without daddy and the first Thanksgiving without my husband was sad and I kept looking for him...but I got through without breakdowns -- I didn't expect Christmas to bring such a well of grief, this entire week leading up to Christmas has been been rough! I miss my husband so very much -- we are missing our daddy, it is hard to be alone and doing life without him. It just doesn't get better...

The words to this song, by Michael Card, are running through my head... a comforting reminder:

Immanuel our God is with us
And if God is with us who could stand against us
Our God is with us
Immanuel

For all those who live in the shadow of death
A glorious light has dawned
For all those who stumble in the darkness
Behold your light has come

Immanuel our God is with us
And if God is with us who could stand against us
Our God is with us
Immanuel

So what will be Your answer? Will You hear the call?
Of Him who did not spare His son but gave Him for us all
On earth there is no power there is no depth or height
That could ever separate us from the love of God in Christ

Immanuel our God is with us
And if God is with us who could stand against us
Our God is with us


Thanking God that He is with me, that He has never left me alone and never will. Thank you all for your prayers this Christmas, we have been overwhelmed, again, by the love and support from our wonderful circle of friends and family! We love you all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hiding in Jesus

Hiding in Jesus Today was a hard day, I start thinking I am doing okay and then unexpectedly the pain comes... Had a regular check-up for the baby today, and I felt that I was going to be okay, but when I walked into the office, the reality of how much my life is changing hit me and I broke down when the pediatrician walked into the exam room. Also today, I began the process of cleaning out my bedroom, removing a lot of the things that speak so loudly of Cj's presence - as we began pulling stuff out and I saw again how my life is changing, I found myself withdrawing and that now familiar ache spreading... I asked my sister to turn on my ipod and just shuffle my songs. Two songs came on, the first one which I haven't heard for probably 5 years at least! But these two songs were exactly what I needed to hear from my Savior and I was so blessed as His love spread into my hurting heart and again became that "balm of gilead" for me at that moment... I'm going to post a...

Free falling...

As I continue on this journey, I find that it is the little things that are catching me off guard and causing the most pain... I think because I'm not prepared for them. The big things I am ready for and I am able to take a breath and kind of "shore up" my emotional safeguards in preparation. But, the little, unexpected events - like removing the empty soap dish from Cj's sink in our bathroom and realizing that I don't have to fill it again, or when his phone popped up a reminder to change the air filters monthly... these things remind me again of the reality that he is never coming back and waves of grief wash over me and the tears flow... This week has been full of this emotional roller coaster - add to that a fretful and clingy baby who is no longer sleeping at night, stress filled moments/days over Cj's transportation to Nigeria, some anxiety over situations that were out of my control but nevertheless counted as my responsibility and fault, trying to keep...

Living in the shelter of His wings

Not really!! Just had a heart-stopper episode of frantic searching for a missing, deaf, 3yr old... Complete with running the block, kids searching the house, dragging the huge solar cover off the pool (wiped out on the ice with that one), searching all cars, frantic prayers, searching every closet, cupboard, bed, tossing every pile, feeling about to vomit as I called 911 after we couldn't find her ANYWHERE... Only to have my prayers answered when we found our sweet angel sound asleep in a toy box covered with a blanket..... She had hidden well!! Tears of utter relief and joy!!!! 911 operator chuckled when I started crying as I told her, "we found her and she is okay!!" #longest10minutesever #horrific #imdone #icedin #wrungout #needachiropractor #thankful #praisingGod The above was my post on my social network site yesterday.... I was babysitting my nieces & nephew and because of the ice storm we got in North Texas, ended up being alone with all 9 children (my ...