Skip to main content

Daddy's little dancer







This has been an emotional weekend for me - rather took me by surprise, but, that is how it usually does...
This weekend was Cadence's dance recital weekend, 3 days packed full of hair-dos, make-up, adorable costumes and fun/hectic moments!
Cadence was in 3 shows, and as I was getting her ready for the first one, I was struck suddenly by an intense sadness and longing for Cj. The last "big family event" before we went on that vacation last year was Cadie's first dance recital.
I remember the flurry of getting ready last time - Cadence was "daddy's little girl" and Cj was a big marshmallow where his baby girl was concerned!!
He who always complained about "wasting money on cut flowers that are going to die anyway", didn't blink at buying his little dancer a bouquet!! (:
He was SO proud of her!! He and the boys cheered for her after she danced and afterwards he made sure we took lots of pictures. Those were our last family pictures...
So the rush of recital this weekend brought back all of those memories and Friday night, I found myself sitting in the audience amongst friends, choking back tears and holding myself together by sheer willpower...
Today was the last day of recital, Cadie was beautiful and had so much fun dancing, she was thrilled her family was there watching her!
As we walked out to the car afterwards, Cadence skipped alongside me and told me with a smile that "...daddy was watching from heaven and he clapped for ALL the songs..."


Comments

  1. CassandraannJune 14, 2012 at 10:43 AM

    I know it must still be hard, but I'm sure it helps to have such wonderful memories of CJ! And so sweet that Cadence can think of her dad and be glad.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Embracing The Path

"I hate, hate, hate being a widow" I exclaimed, tears trickling down my face into my hair as I lay on my bed, talking on the phone with a friend. "I am 38 years old and I don't know who I am, because my life got turned upside down 6 years ago and I no longer know me.... actually, that isn't true, I do know...", I whispered, "I just don't want it." "I don't want this life and yet I feel like in order to move forward into what God has for me, I need to embrace this truth of who I am - even though I didn't choose it." , my voice broke as I swiped uselessly at the endless trail of silent tears, "I. Didn't. Want. This." I am at a conference  for my company this  holiday weekend  and it has been great! A few days packed full of information, knowledge, laughter, new friends -- and self examination and truths.  This was supposed to be a weekend of business training and yet all I keep hearing is "know who yo...
2 comments
Read more

A 40th Birthday

Cj would have celebrated his 40th birthday yesterday.  No matter how well I think I've prepared for it, acknowledged it... no matter how many times I've been here in the almost 6yrs of walking this path; the anniversaries - birthdays, holidays, our wedding, his death - these days are brutal for me.  It doesn't matter how well I've been doing or how strong I'm feeling in the weeks leading up to them -- there always comes the day when I can't hold it together anymore and the grief comes roaring back to center stage.  I can blame it on exhaustion, stress, sadness of other circumstances around me triggering it, but, the truth of the matter is that I just miss him.  I hate being a widow.  Hate my kids not having a daddy.  Hate missing him so badly it hurts to breathe.  Hate remembering the good times only to awaken to the reality again.  Hate mourning the "what should have been".  Hate walking around choking on tears and drow...
2 comments
Read more

Lessons in the Carribbean

Yesterday was a stepping stone in my grief process, a moment in the healing journey. Grief is such an odd walk, sometimes you expect the triggers - like driving through Tennessee last year - and other times these moments crash on you unexpectedly. Oddly enough, these are the moments that, although they are awful to breathe through - bring such comfort because I KNOW the presence and peace of my Savior as He carries me through the valley, lifts me up out of the waves. Yesterday was one of those unexpected tsunamis that opened my eyes to another facet of healing, growth, and grief that I needed, desperately, to address. It was a perfect day in the Riviera Maya - we were on a girls birthday trip in Tulum, an unexpected blessing, and we decided to try a new activity; paddle-boarding in a bay off the ocean. We headed out early, dashing across mexican traffic to catch the "Collectiva", or local taxi bus. We crowded 6 of us girls into the little bus and hurtled down the road. Upon r...
4 comments
Read more