My Circle

My Circle
thechijiokelife

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

evening...


I am standing on my balcony tonight, the sky so dark & cloudy you can scarcely see a 100 meters from the boat… wind stirring the dense, muggy air into tolerable breezes, watching the incessant wake of waves as the mammoth ship presses forward…

I have just come from dinner, then a time of listening to a live band sing old jazzy songs and watching couples of an older generation than I, clutch each other close and spin around with eyes closed in delight, happy in just being together. It is sweet, I enjoy seeing married couples enjoying time together. I want to tell them to cherish it, cherish every moment…

As song after song is performed, I find myself a little melancholy as I watch the old couples, obviously with a foundation of years… time… time that I will never have as my own – and I am a bit sad. I find myself talking to God about this and after a bit I get up and leave the couples spinning under the colored lights, laughing at themselves as they falter and trip toes.

I ponder the questions from the previous morning as I gaze into the night and I am struck by words, old and learned as a child, of a hymn with a haunting melody that I have always loved. “…When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot Thou hast caused me to say… it is well, it is well – with my soul…”
My breath catches in my throat as I realize the clarity and honesty of those wrenching lyrics.
My heart goes out to the author as I realize – I know what he is saying and I can truly stand with him and attest to this statement. “…it IS well… it is well, my Lord - - it is well with my soul! Thank You for causing me to see…” I clasp the railing a little tighter and wonder if this night is why the Lord pressed that song into my child heart, so many years ago. I had often wondered how the bereaved man could pen these words when his beloved family had been torn from him… I did not see, I could not see… but tonight -- tonight -- I stand in a similar place as he and stare down at dark, roiling water and claim these words as my own. Thank you Father for causing me to SEE!

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