Skip to main content

Growing past the worry



It is my third day of driving...actually 6th day of driving since last Wednesday... 3 days going and 3 days coming back. We are on our return trip to Texas and - - I'm tired. 
 It's not just the refereeing and frequent mediation between warring factions, the whining (I kinda detest whining!), the sore back and gritty eyes from sharing unfamiliar hotel beds with my 2 littles (not exactly blissful slumbers) or the endless miles of Arkansas countryside stretching before me on this hazy, summer morning... 
I am weary... worn.... honestly, I'm exhausted. 
I am ready and willing to follow the vision God is calling me to ~ leading me towards ~ but, I'm weary of the pain and sadness of doing this alone, the fear of not knowing exactly what the future holds...

 ::: knowing that these decisions may mean choosing to leave my comfort, my place of friends and love for the majority of my adult life and my kids lives:::

My logical mind keeps running through the cost:benefit analysis... The pros:cons list seems weighted unfavorably this morning as I ponder my options. 
Worry nibbling at the edges of my heart... The "what if" and "what the heck are you thinking" statements and questions are tumbling around the corridors of my mind as I cruise down this beaten interstate... (I am currently sitting at a rest stop waiting out another bathroom break!), "Jesus... am I hearing this right? Am I truly following Your voice in this?"

My prayers and thoughts churned as I worried about the impact (long and short term) on each of them and my own life... Deciding to ignore the thoughts for now, I reached to turn on music as a distraction and this song came on... It couldn't have been more perfect...


"Hello, my love.... your future waits for you, the certainties are few... I know you're scared...but the voices in your head will soon be Mine instead.. they'll say, great plans I have for you...

I know you're tired, the darkness in your eyes I've come to recognize, so lay yourself down, in the shelter of my tree and rest awhile with Me, here... 

Great plans I have for you, 
great plans I have for you, 
great plans I have for you....

Prosper you will,
I know you will,
I know you will...

Great plans I have for you."


Kiddos are back from the toilet break, I snapped a few pictures of the lovely flowers growing here and we are ready to continue on our homeward trek.


 I do not have many answers to my questions - but, much peace abounds as I anticipate the coming days. I may face more days of churning emotion - I expect it - but, I know the One whom will also be there ~ in my crazy moments ~ to hold, comfort and reassure me. I hope you know Him like I do!


Comments

  1. FlowerLady LorraineJune 26, 2015 at 12:10 PM

    This is wonderful! That song was played especially for you right then, Jesus made it happen.

    He did that so many times for me right after I lost my dear husband.

    This song is a good one for me right now too. I've never heard it before.

    All will work out for you and your kids.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Yada,Yadah GirlJune 27, 2015 at 6:58 PM

      Isn't it incredible how God works?? I love it!! :)
      Thank you for your prayers!! Excited to see where God is taking us next...

      Delete
  2. Wife2WidowJuly 6, 2015 at 6:12 AM

    I just happened to click on the link to this page during my morning visit to "Widow's Christian Place" page. What a God orchestrated moment! I reached the four year mark on this journey in March. Since then I since a need to change to move forward taking my life in a totally different direction than I ever dreamed. A direction that I a part of me know that it is a God chosen path, where another part wonders if I am missing God. Thank you for this blog was just what I needed to get off the fence and trust the plans that He has for me.
    ...coming out of darkness...the journey continues...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hiding in Jesus

Hiding in Jesus Today was a hard day, I start thinking I am doing okay and then unexpectedly the pain comes... Had a regular check-up for the baby today, and I felt that I was going to be okay, but when I walked into the office, the reality of how much my life is changing hit me and I broke down when the pediatrician walked into the exam room. Also today, I began the process of cleaning out my bedroom, removing a lot of the things that speak so loudly of Cj's presence - as we began pulling stuff out and I saw again how my life is changing, I found myself withdrawing and that now familiar ache spreading... I asked my sister to turn on my ipod and just shuffle my songs. Two songs came on, the first one which I haven't heard for probably 5 years at least! But these two songs were exactly what I needed to hear from my Savior and I was so blessed as His love spread into my hurting heart and again became that "balm of gilead" for me at that moment... I'm going to post a
Post a Comment
Read more

Changes... Daring to Change

Have you ever felt like, in life, you were standing at the edge of a precipice about to take a plunge? That weird sense of nauseating excitement and nerves as you wonder what awaits if you dare to take “just a step”? The gut twisting, teeth clenching anxiety as you wonder what awaits... Have you ever stood at a crossroads, turning in slow, dizzying circles as you ponder which path to choose… understanding that whichever route you choose will bring uncertain futures – many good, perhaps many difficult and you try to weigh the costs without truly knowing what price they may require? Life is such a tangle of choices… sometimes I can’t trace the threads back to the one that led me to the point where I am standing now – at a crossroads, on a precipice, peering over the edge, feeling the wind whistle past, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat as I stare at the future looming… As a girl, I handed the reigns of my life over to the One whom my soul loves… my pr
4 comments
Read more

Free falling...

As I continue on this journey, I find that it is the little things that are catching me off guard and causing the most pain... I think because I'm not prepared for them. The big things I am ready for and I am able to take a breath and kind of "shore up" my emotional safeguards in preparation. But, the little, unexpected events - like removing the empty soap dish from Cj's sink in our bathroom and realizing that I don't have to fill it again, or when his phone popped up a reminder to change the air filters monthly... these things remind me again of the reality that he is never coming back and waves of grief wash over me and the tears flow... This week has been full of this emotional roller coaster - add to that a fretful and clingy baby who is no longer sleeping at night, stress filled moments/days over Cj's transportation to Nigeria, some anxiety over situations that were out of my control but nevertheless counted as my responsibility and fault, trying to keep
Post a Comment
Read more