The Chijioke Life

It's fall!!! And it's beginning to feel like it too, here in North Texas. Cool evenings & mornings - bright, breezy, sunshiny days... Makes me happy!! (: I haven't written in some time -- life has a way of slipping past...  We celebrated 2 birthdays this month... It was harder/sadder this year... It was a 12th and a 3rd birthday... Felt like a milestone of sorts - my oldest thoroughly entering middle childhood, teetering toward young manhood and my baby careening towards big kid status... I think I would've been feeling nostalgic melancholy about these milestones with Cj here too -- our babies are growing up! Life as I knew it with Cj is rapidly disappearing, we are moving into naturally, new phases of life and I am having to reconcile myself to this fact.  I think in a way, I was holding into the belief that things would still continue as they had been and we would just be "camping out" , not that my life has actually changed permanently... Odd right??  T...

It's been a rainy day. Gray, cool, wet... And I LOVE it!!  It's like a part of me, a happier part, begins to awaken as the oppressive heat of the summer starts to break and I feel like a weight start to come off my shoulders.  I began to feel "stars of joy" as I contemplate crisp cool mornings, snuggling into jackets as the evenings turn brisk and sipping on a good cup of coffee while enjoying being outdoors again! Oh yay!! :) Along with this fun stuff is a looming decision to be made on my part -- again!! My kids are (generally) stable and I feel they are making progress in their emotional well-beings and life paths... ::: Thank you Jesus::: As they have begun to blossom and thrive, I feel like I imploded a bit... It was odd - I realized that I had made my kids/my family units'survival my reason for carrying on these past 2 years and as I saw the fruit of my labor take root and begin to flourish... It was as if I got knocked over!! Who am I now? How have I dealt ...

First day of school 2013/2014! My littlest guy, trekking off with his backpack. Oh! It is "back to school" time...the temperature is still "far-too-hot" degrees, the sun still shines when the clock says "bedtime"... Pool toys litter the deck, the bubblers splashing water into a sparkling, empty pool. The easy, meandering time of summer is still beckoning...but it is "back-to-school" time!  It's an exciting time of year, full of new beginnings, idealism, hope for the "what-ifs" and I love this time of year... Routine & structure are coming back and I feed off of structure!! Stability & peace are the words that come to mind... :) It also means the glimmer of hope has begun for cooler weather, autumn, thanksgiving festivities and Christmas wonder -- with 5 kid birthdays intermingled!!! Lol :) My big kids have already started back to school and my little one starts this week. Oh! I'm not sure I'm ready to let him go!! He...

We have been traveling quite a bit this summer, doing a lot of long distance driving trips. I've really enjoyed these trips and the time spent as a family - even with the close confines! We've racked up a load of audible book hours and have streamlined the gas station bathroom process!! :D All of this has led to an increase in eating out and we are slowly making progress with that situation! LOL!! While finishing up a Chick-fil-a breakfast during our most recent trip, I was fighting the urge to gripe at the kids about the messy tabletop. I looked around our table at the oblivious youngsters, laughing and interacting together and was struck with the thought, "...be grateful for these messes! What if you didn't have the blessing of these kiddos, you wouldn't have a mess, but you wouldn't have them either..." I sat back, decided to be thankful instead and laughed to myself as I wrote up the following list of things I will one day miss about these busy, hecti...

It's been a busy summer! Full of travels (I'm getting good at long distance car drives!), new experiences, family growth, fond memories, spontaneous fun days with the kids... It's been a good summer. So thankful for each of these moments!! I'm attempting to be "intentional" about being thankful... I believe it makes my Father happy & it keeps my heart attitude in alignment with the truth of eternity :) A friend was visiting the other night for some long overdue "catch-up time" and we were both amazed as we realized this is our family's 3rd school year coming up since Cj died... How did that happen?! I can't believe how the time has passed.... William will be 3 years old in a few months and he is starting to be "aware" that things are different for him... We found a little picture book that I put together in the first months after Cj died -- I was concerned that William not forget his daddy's face. We titled it, "Will...

I just couldn't sleep last night -  the minutes ticked by as my mind whirled. .. I was trying to get a clearer vision of what route to try next in my search for stability in my career path(s)/finances...  I vainly tried to quiet my thoughts and get some desperately needed rest... As my phone showed  the  2am  hour slipping away, I stared into the darkness, angrily punched my pillows and tossed & turned in utter frustration and annoyance... knowing if I gave in and got up to burn off my angst, the sun would be up and I'd be no good for my full day ahead... that and the knowledge that I'd be driving my kids around forced me to stay in bed -- praying for a reprieve from the burden of stress so I could sleep!! ...I dont know, maybe I should have gotten up -- might have finally tired out by  3am , but I would've gotten some housework done at least... Have you ever felt like the darkness is overwhelming you and everything around you? Like no matter how hard y...

I am thankful for clouds and skies...  I am thankful for many things, but, this is a constant gratitude I lift up to God. For when I'm overwhelmed by life's circumstances and this lonely journey - I look up and am reminded, with stunning vistas, glorious sunrises/sunsets, towering stacks of billowing clouds hundreds - thousands of feet high, that my Father is the creator of these wondrous things and He is in control!  My "mountains" quickly get put into perspective as I glimpse what looks like the lights of heaven, streaming around clouds, pure golden rays outlining puffy cotton, rosy hues coloring the dawn or dusk and I can only smile and whisper, "...thank You...." Even stormy days are a reminder of Gods power and ultimate control - I love a good storm!! The psalmist's verse runs through my mind, "... I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from The Lord - maker of heaven and earth..." For me, living in the...