My Circle

My Circle
thechijiokelife

Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Note from Hannah

A Note from Hannah
I'm sitting here... staring at this screen and wondering how I can write anything adequate that will be able to express my heart and what I am going through...

How do I write about something for which I have no words?? I never thought that being widowed at 32, with 5 young children, a baby who will never know his daddy... I never thought this would be in my life story... my heart is broken, although I KNOW where my husband is and I know I WILL see him again - - a part of me is missing from this world and the pain is physical at times...

So many thoughts and questions want to run through my head - - so many decisions are coming up... and I have very few answers... and yet, along with my sorrow, I have peace...

As I sit here, praying God will give me the words to say, Psalm 34 comes to mind, you can read the whole thing... but some excerpts which seem to have been written for/from me:

"1.) I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. 2.) ...let all who are helpless take heart. 3.) Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt his name together. 4.) I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. 5.) Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy... 6.) In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. 7.) For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. 8.) Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!"

My name means "woman of grace" - all of my life I have considered this and wondered how I could "live up" to this, being a woman of grace and character... God showed me now that actually it is about HIS grace which He is pouring out upon me -- because I would need it for this life... not something I have to live up to. He KNEW the days He had for me... and for CJ... before we were even born and He is in control of this. Even though we are heartbroken - we are not forsaken - God has promised He will never leave us!

Also, I want to let everyone know how blessed we are with everything that is being done for us and on our behalf.

In the midst of this storm, I feel completely overwhelmed by the blessings my Father is pouring out on me and my family... He is truly an amazing, wonderful and awesome God and the enormity of His love for us is playing out over and over again... I feel cocooned by His arms of love, His grace is being "poured like rain" upon us.

In the hours after the accident, I desperately cried out to Him -- to please show Himself and let me feel His presence in a real and tangible way...and He has honestly done this through friends and the body of Christ reaching out to us, the words of encouragement given, especially the scripture shared and the peace and strength He is gracing me with, moment by moment

I continue to look to Him for peace, comfort and to give Him my pain and fears as they arise...pray for me in this.

When I was a teen, I chose Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" as my life verse, I continue to walk in this, in obedience and faith.

Thank you again, thank you for allowing Christ to show through you all.

I love you all and "...thank God with every reminder..."

Resting in His hands,

Hannah and family

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