The Chijioke Life

I woke to the sound of gentle knocking on my door... "Hey guys, did you sleep past your alarm? What time is your flight? ", my friend's husband's (C.), quiet voice filtered through the bedroom door.  My eyelids snapped open as I came fully awake - taking in the girly beauty of the room I was lying in. A bohemian mixture of patterns decorated the sixth grade girl's room, the sweet clash between little girl and emerging young woman evident in the dollhouse still present in the corner of the room, the elegant chandelier hanging from the room, the lounging couches piled with an array of colorful and comfy pillows and the door of colorful hair bows. I had thoroughly enjoyed the delightful room the past few days as I had spent time with dear friends on a quick trip.  I gasped out loud with dawning horror, scrambling for my cell phone, rubbing sleep from my eyes and tumbling out of bed, "Oh Lord, my alarm didn't go off -- what time is it?? Six thirty, oh man, I...

My new house {felt. like. home.} for the first time this past weekend... I was turning off lights after tucking in 9 kids (my nieces/nephew were spending the night), the house was quiet as they all nodded off to sleep quickly and I was smiling to myself as I remembered the laughter and conversation with family and new friends that had taken place, at my table, over food prepared in my kitchen. I paused in my rounds of locking doors, pushing errant chairs up to tables and thanked God for the moment.  ::Hello, My love... I see your fears and know your troubled, weary heart. Rest with me here, take courage, I am with you. I have called you, you are My very own. I have great plans for you, daughter:: We've been in Delaware for some time, but, I only found and closed on our new house in September. We've been here for a couple weeks now. Although I was delighted to finally be IN our new house - the piled boxes, figuring out new utilities/services, waiting on contractors,...

"Today was the day I said good-bye to you, you are worn and look a bit weary...  I don't think I've untied your laces in over a year and there are a myriad of little strings sticking out here and there...  I thought I'd just be happy, to retire you, to mark this as {my. last. day.} But, I paused as I started to turn away,  "..take time" , a quiet Voice whispered.  ::And so, I stood there, in the dark of the night, and I remembered::   You had only one job description, "work shoes".  NEVER  to be confused with "workout shoes", "home shoes" or "play shoes". You have always been, "work ONLY shoes".  ::And, as such, you have faithfully carried me on my work journey::   The cold, dark mornings... where the wind nipped at my nose and I clutched the hot coffee cup a little tighter as I jogged to the brightly, lit door.  Or the balmy, muggy, summer skies as the sun lazily stretched over...

Today is our last day as a family in North Texas... I am finding it hard to believe this day has arrived... It's been a hectic, chaotic day--week--month. As I run around checking off last minute details and fixing last minute hiccups... I feel the pull of emotion, always in the background, as I subconsciously contemplate the sudden REALITY that we are, in fact, moving away from our community and the state we have called home for the past 13yrs -- the only home my kids have ever known, the place we were a family with Cj... On top of the regular stress of this time, with all that moving entails, I'm also in the midst of my business' annual grand convention - this event is such a mountaintop experience that it makes my tumultuous emotions even more a contrast - such a surreal experience!!   My/Our feelings are such a jumble -- we are excited for where God is leading us, enjoying the surprise of the unknown... ::but there is so much unknown awaiting us -- ...

"...Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by... and that has made all the difference."  Robert Frost Change is upon us... after a year of praying and processing, and over the past few months STRUGGLING in prayer over a final decision -- I made the choice to take the "road less traveled". I am, by the grace of God, moving my little family into uncharted waters as we are heading to Delaware.  Over the past month, we have packed our home into boxes and bags and with the immense help of loved friends gotten the house ready to sell. Our house went on the market last Monday and we are hoping for a quick, uneventful sale and move across country. This is the short story of what has transpired from sleepless nights, countless hours of thought and prayer, wise counsel and long hours of hard work -- We. Are. Moving! How do I sum up, with mere words, what it means for us to leave the only community/home that my kids have ...

Today marks 4 years.... four years of widowhood, of single parenthood, of daily grief, of walking in this uncertain future, of marveling at the intricate dance of joy and sorrow as we embrace this journey God has allowed for us. Instead of running away from the pain and devastation of our loss, we are learning to face it - walk in it - grow through it... and in the process we glimpse new facets of God's character and love for us and we realize that we are indeed able to do and be more than we could ever imagine - through Him. ::honestly, today makes me FEEL like curling into a fetal position in the darkest corner of the furthest spot of my home.... and not coming out again::  However, I will choose not to do that -- Today, I will smile, I will laugh and enjoy time with my family we are visiting in Colorado. I will run errands, cook a meal and enjoy every breath of every moment that God grants me this day. I will choose to Thrive! Today was a day that forever changed us - ou...

It is my third day of driving...actually 6th day of driving since last Wednesday... 3 days going and 3 days coming back. We are on our return trip to Texas and - - I'm tired.   It's not just the refereeing and frequent mediation between warring factions, the whining (I kinda detest whining!), the sore back and gritty eyes from sharing unfamiliar hotel beds with my 2 littles (not exactly blissful slumbers) or the endless miles of Arkansas countryside stretching before me on this hazy, summer morning...  I am weary... worn.... honestly, I'm exhausted.  I am ready and willing to follow the vision God is calling me to ~ leading me towards ~ but, I'm weary of the pain and sadness of doing this alone, the fear of not knowing exactly what the future holds...  ::: knowing that these decisions may mean choosing to leave my comfort, my place of friends and love for the majority of my adult life and my kids lives::: My logical mind keeps running through the cost:benefit an...

Today, I took the kids to see the liberty bell on the campus of Liberty University - housed in a little white gazebo, down the road from the infamous "rock", tucked between parking lots, across from the massive new buildings sprawling across Liberty's beautiful campus.  It was such a gorgeous summer afternoon as we stood there, a gentle breeze blowing, surrounded by the beauty of the green hills encircling us...  We came back to the campus today on our return trip to Texas armed with a map and directions to find the brick, at the new library, purchased in honor of Cj and our time at LU.  We found our brick, took pictures and toured the campus amidst slightly forced smiles and occasional sad hearts as we were forced again to recognize the void in our lives without Cj, even as we built new memories and dreamed of the future.  Oh, the memories that came alive as I walked the campus with the kids! I loved getting to share this place with them, but, I struggled to keep th...

Have you ever felt like, in life, you were standing at the edge of a precipice about to take a plunge? That weird sense of nauseating excitement and nerves as you wonder what awaits if you dare to take “just a step”? The gut twisting, teeth clenching anxiety as you wonder what awaits... Have you ever stood at a crossroads, turning in slow, dizzying circles as you ponder which path to choose… understanding that whichever route you choose will bring uncertain futures – many good, perhaps many difficult and you try to weigh the costs without truly knowing what price they may require? Life is such a tangle of choices… sometimes I can’t trace the threads back to the one that led me to the point where I am standing now – at a crossroads, on a precipice, peering over the edge, feeling the wind whistle past, my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat as I stare at the future looming… As a girl, I handed the reigns of my life over to the One whom my soul loves… my pr...